Attorneys Online Called About…Vegas, Baby?

Posted on April 15th, 2016 by

Hi, um, readers. This is Attorneys Online, Inc. We met when you, uh, we met when you came to our blog? Or maybe through that guy named Sue? We were playing video hockey? Anyway, we’ll be leaving Austin this week (this place is dead anyway) … we’re just calling to say that it’s great that you’re here and we should meet up – this week, in Vegas, baby! Vegas! You’ll see us at the Wynn Hotel for –

[the machine beeps]

Legal marketing specialists at Attorneys Online, Inc. will be in Las Vegas from April 20-22, 2016[phone rings]

Hi, this is Attorneys Online again. We think something went wrong with the connection before we let you know why we were going to Las Vegas from April 20-22 for Mass Torts Made Perfect (MTMP). Anyway, sorry to call during your work day, but we’d love to see you! Cheney Winslow, CEO, and Kim –

[the machine beeps] DAMN IT!

[phone rings]

Cheney Winslow, CEO, and Kimberly Busch, video producer and managing editor, are going to be there, wearing backpacks and ready to help review your legal marketing strategies and offer advice for improvement. A lot of law firms are like this big bear, with these big fangs, and these big claws, and these prospective clients are just little bunnies. But they don’t know how to kill the bunny! There’s the rub. Anyway, that’s it, we know it’s weird that we keep calling like this but, like, don’t take it the wrong way. Thanks, see you there!

[hangs up]


[phone rings]

We just realized we forgot to inform you of the kinds of services we offer. We’ve been doing this for 18 years, so that should explain why we’re so excited to offer you our experience and proven marketing strategies. It’s not you – it’s us. We do customized websites, video production for TV and Internet, media buys, SEO, social media services and customized content. Our skills are totally money and we can help make sure your business is up five hundy by midnight! Oh, and this is Attorneys Online, by the way.

[hangs up]

[phone rings]

Hey, it’s Attorneys Online again. Listen, do you want to know why our services can make you the big winner? We’re a family business. Unlike major advertising companies, with us, you’re not just one of hundreds of clients eating pancakes in the age of enlightenment – you’re our focus, baby, 100%. We don’t make promises we can’t keep and –

[machine beeps]

[phone rings]

The last thing, we swear! Leave us a message at 800-221-8424 to schedule a meeting to discuss your legal marketing strategies. Don’t wait 2, 3 or even 6 days to call. Oh and if you want to get us a drink, make it some kind of Glen, no blend, and if you go easy on the water, we might have a shiny 50 cent piece with your name on it. Thanks so much, baby, and we hope to see you there!

Attorneys Online has been in the legal marketing game since 1998, only two years after the now-classic film Swingers introduced the word “money” as an adjective. Oh yeah, always double down on 11.